DV: The Way I'm Writing

I've taken up writing again. Partially because I'm feeling like my life is stable, partially because I feel like life in general is entropy and I feel like dipping my finger into the whirlpool.

On the first part: I have a new job. A desk job. One job. And I'm not in school for the first time in my life. Things are still hectic of course, but my worries have been downgraded to wanting to be eligible for holiday pay. I've moved up the pyramid of Maslow's hierarchy of needs. Not by much, but it's progress and that sense of movement has done wonders for my adult acne.

On the second part: I shouldn't have to explain this too much. Most American adults understand the natural resistance to the idea that we are destined to be office drones. We are destined to do something great or we have a hidden greatness within us. That voice inside of me refuses to shut up, so...why not? Who am I hurting by making myself write a little? By putting these ideas I've had on paper I am, at best- getting my writing out there, and at worst- putting my brain through some creative exercises.

What I am releasing is a draft. A very rough draft that I only have vague notions about, but documenting the progress of this draft seems like a good idea. I need to hold myself accountable or I won't write. The small optimist inside of me screams that I am something more, the large realist says that I can be if I work at it. The small, but very loud pessimist reminds me that this is a one in a million thing that I am going after, that if I see results it will not be for a long time (And somehow this means it is not worth it?), that I am not as good as my idols, that I am lazy, that dreaming like this is impractical, that I NEED to be practical, the only way to survive is to be practical, that I could have a more practical dream.

The pessimist inside of me is smaller than it has been in a long time, but it has many points to back up its argument. Many reasons for me to stop, and up until now I have let it win. I did not go to school to be a writer like I wanted to, I stopped writing altogether when things were hard for me financially. I cannot allow myself to stop.

My plan is to update at least once a week. A blog if things are really tight, but ideally a chapter and a blog post a week. Let's see where this goes.

#fiction #scifi #fantasy #darkvalley #alternatehistory